5 am txts
by OfTransformersAndAnime
Summary: Magnus really hates his cellphone at 5 am, and Simon uses him as a guru on relaships. Post-COFA  might be one shot or more
1. Txts at 5 am  Pissy Warlock

After all the fighting over Camille and Will, he was very tired. He wanted to go to bed and not wake up for a few months. He eyed his cell phone with hatred, why did it just HAVE to ring? He groaned as he flipped it open to see the ass who was txting him at 5 am. "why in the hell would Simon be txting me? Doesn't he have a girlfriend to wake up…" Magnus mused looking at the txt.

**Magnus**: this better be good…who the hells txts at 5 am?  
><strong>Simon<strong>: uh..vampires?  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: hmm..I supose I forgot how to laugh…again..this better be good  
><strong>Simon<strong>: well..um…you and Alec are the only normal people..so..  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: ugh…I don't want to know where this is going…  
><strong>Simon<strong>: I kinda..fucked up with Izzy..maybe…well..I don't get her rules..she makes them up, them changes them and when you finally got her figured out, she does it again…  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: well..yeah…she is good for that…you could always go gay, women do that a lot  
><strong>Simon<strong>: uh…I don't think one chooses it or Alec would have ages ago  
><strong>Magnus<strong>:right….  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: still not sure why this involves me yet  
><strong>Simon<strong>: I would ask Alec but..he would go big brother and hurt me…  
><strong>Magnus<strong>:….maybe…if he got his backbone..finally  
><strong>Simon<strong>: he has one..I heard Jace snapped it before  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: O.o  
><strong>Simon<strong>: he got a hard boot to his back during training, how he is still standing is beyond me  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: grr…stupid Jace. I'll have to wiggle that out of Alec somehow..oh joy  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: anyways..your dancing around the subject, I don't last on 1 hour of sleep  
><strong>Simon<strong>: you type well for a zombie  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: uh..thanks?  
><strong>Simon<strong>: I need a way to get Izzy back..without sending off the big brother army…  
><strong>Magnus<strong>:…and this couldn't wait to normal hours?  
><strong>Simon<strong>: Alec says your normal hours are 6-7 pm _  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: wtf…that's only if I'm out of magic…shesh…I can be up before noon..I just choose not to  
><strong>Simon<strong>: I wonder why he said that then…  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: probably so he wouldn't have to share before a cetin time period, that's my guess  
><strong>Simon<strong>: Jace sure is noisy…can't a vampire txt in peace?  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: ugh…cant a warlock sleep?  
><strong>Simon<strong>: um..sorry?  
><strong>Magnus<strong>: whatever..repeat the issue torrow..then we'll talk..fucking vampires… 


	2. Magnus Bane VS Twilight

Magnus eyed his phone. He was going to ring Simon's neck if they had a repeat of last night. He wasn't opposed to helping out, he just wanted his dam sleep first and maybe an over-priced latte. He was trying to think about what Simon could do to actually get a reacting out of Alec. He wasn't really paying attention to anything as he mindlessly flipped though the channels. Maybe he would have to get this "tivo" thingy Simon mentioned. Re-runs did get alittle old after awhile…

He could finish the book Isabelle gave him but he felt silly reading a teen novel, even if it was the big craze. He could see how Isabelle and Clary were nuts about Twilight and while he giggled at the sparkle vampires, the extreme romance of it screamed " I am for a teen girl" and he was not a teen or a girl. Maybe he just wasn't gay enough to fall deeply into the series. He had some self respect left. But he would finish it, just so he could fellow Isabelle and Clary's fan girling chatter. Jace had made faces at both girls and made fun of the series left and right, it had only earned him more of Izzy's cooking and a cold couch. Magnus had pointed and laughed. He wish he hadn't, they had turned to him like a starving man eyeing steak. He was pretty sure his brain screamed "oh shit" but it was too late. He had left with the book and his manhood in serious question.

He eyed the book. Oh how I loath you and yet I want to know the ending he mused annoyed with himself. He was thankful when the buzzer went off. He didn't think to hide the evil book as he opened the door to Simon. Simon grinned when he saw the book. Magnus didn't seem the type to gush on teen books but he knew Izzy was wanting to convert everyone she could. He just figured Magnus had more to loose and would fight her on it. "Twilight…really?" Simon questioned. "um..shush you…teen girls are scary when pissed off…" Magnus said back as he tried to hide the book under the pillow.

Simon would have to agree and figured it was in his best interest to not piss Magnus off when asking him for help. "so…no zombie txting today?" Simon asked. "well, most normal people are asleep at 5 am…" he said while mildly glaring. "uh..true…" Simon said, looking at floor. "so…you pissed Izzy off and Alec wont help?" he asked. "I didn't ask him because he might kill me…I would kill me if I was the brother" Simon stated. "okay…so what did you even do?" Magnus asked. "um..I sorta kinda..cheated on her..while not cheating on her..since she was dating other men…but..I did cheat…" Simon mumbled. Magnus just stared. Great…he thought to himself. "okay…now in normal person speak" Magnus said. "I messed up by dating two girls at once and I got caught…and one is off with her evil ex who isn't evil since he said sorry…and Izzy hates that I 'care' for her" Simon said. "nice one, vampire, just piss off every girl in the group while your at it…" he grumbled as he shook his head at him.

Simon sat on the couch and knew this would take a lot of work. Magnus wouldn't open up and risk another fight with Alec, he had said the right thing and yet Isabelle had freaked on him, he already said sorry more times than he can count and he had yet to admit to biting one of his teen fan girls….


	3. Simon pranks Magnus

Alec had noticed how distant Magnus had been. It made sense, he reasoned with himself, between the fighting and the scene at the church. The babies weren't him but it made sense that it would upset Magnus anyways. He should make it up to him. Some how, he felt, sorry shouldn't be enough even though according to the txt messages he was already forgiven. It bothered him that Magnus never held him to his actions. Magnus forgave too easily, not that he wanted to lose Magnus after all they had been though.

He stood in the rain, looking at the txt screen. Why did Magnus have to be so dam perfect? He sent him a few txts as he ran to the next over hang. Why did demons just have to pick a rain storm to cause trouble? He sighed and opened his cell to the new txt.

**Magnus**: don't you have normal hobbies like most teens? Like..I don't know…collecting music cds? Anyways…just don't die on me, lightwood or I'll kick your ass. Sneak over later, I'll be done with work by then (I hope..) so no dieing

Alec laughed abit and shut his cell off. He couldn't risk it during a hunt. He was just glad Magnus stopped calling him "Alexander" in the txts, it meant for now anyways, the fighting had ended. He made a quick check of his weapons and went out. He could only pray to come back home to Magnus in one piece.

Simon had watched the txting and he had seen a brief change in Magnus' cat eyes. He had begun to learn you could read Magnus by his eyes better than his voice or actions. Magnus's eyes were like a window into his true feelings. Sometimes they were a bright green and sometimes, when he looked utterly broken, they were a light yellow. Simon could see how Alec got lost in those eyes for hours, just laying on the bed, watching them go though the steps of expressing emotions.

Magnus wasn't sure what Simon expected him to do as he slipped his cell into his jeans pocket. Simon had technically cheated but Isabelle was just as wrong if not abit more. He knew Isabelle wouldn't be won over by reasoning or logic. She was a lot like Jace, in that she had her own demons. She had given him bits and pieces during a random and very emotion cell phone call. He had come close to telling Alec to check for suicidal marks but he had wanted to cling to what little trust he had earned. He felt silly, that at 800 years old he suddenly desired a family even if it wasn't a blood thing. It was old school and utterly cliché but chocolate and flowers were famous for making girls happy.

The idea had made Simon feel stupid. He had been human very recently so why didn't he think about that? He was just glad Magnus was willing to help out. The rain didn't make things any easier as both teens walked the streets. Sure, Magnus could snap both but he felt Isabelle might like it more if Simon spent money on her and not lean on his magic for everything. He tried to focus on Simon and he was mutely aware of his constant babbling beside him but his mind was on Alec and his safety. Maybe he could convince Alec to get a new job.

Simon saw the Edward Cullen doll and deiced to have abit of fun at Magnus's expense. He just hoped the warlock had a sense of humor as he bough the doll without him noticing. The flowers were the harder part. Magnus wasn't sure whats the best message to send. He hadn't bothered getting Alec flowers since he knew Alec was too much a man for it. He started to notice he was the girl and Alec was the boy despite the major age gap. He would have to fix that…

They paid for the flowers and went to lunch. The warlock didn't know what to feed the vampire, since Simon didn't need food. He couldn't survive another attempt at Isabelle's cooking, not even to be nice. Simon just got a soda, thankful for the roof over his head.

Isabelle opened the door for them and eyed Simon. She had felt bad for rejecting his kindness but Simon just had to learn to take her moods in strides. Simon saw her talking Magnus up so he took the shot and wrapped the doll up and faked Alec's writing on the card. He would make sure to be hundreds of miles away from the warlock when he opened it.

Simon walked back over to them. He took a shakily breath as he shyly handed the flowers and candy over to Isabelle. Magnus took the que to step back and let the vampire fix his own mess. He agreed to help but that didn't cover holding him by the hand. He picked up his bag and waved them off as he went back home to wait for Alec, unaware of the doll in his bag.

" I..would say sorry..again..but..I bet your sick of that saying by now" Simon said. "I am…but..it is nice that you know you were wrong…and thanks..for the candy…Magnus helped you?" Isabelle asked. "yeah…I just didn't know what else I could do to fix the mess I made..and..I feared Alec's big brother wrath…" he stated shyly. "big brother wrath? Well..I suppose Alec can have a temper..sometimes" she mused.

Magus threw his bag on the couch and the package slipped out. He stopped and walked up to it. When did Alec do this? He wondered. He picked it up and walked into the kitchen to open it. He got a pair of seizers and cut the paper off. The writing was alittle off for Alec but he could have rushed. He stared at the doll, torn between wondering if this was a gag gift and laughing at himself. Really, love? Really..? Edward cullen doll? His cell beeped and he opened the txt.

**Alec**: aside from being soaked…smelling like mud..and a ruined jacket..I am in one piece

**Magnus**: thankfully..and um..thanks for the..uh..doll?

**Alec**: what doll?

**Magnus**: the Edward doll in my bag…when did you become a ninja?

**Alec**: Magnus, I love you too much to waste $30 on a doll that you wouldn't even know what to do with..plus..who's Edward cullen?

**Magnus**: wow…you don't even know Twilight? And the girls are rabid in the group..? Wait…if you didn't then who did?

**Alec**: pop cultural…ugh…who was with you last?

**Magnus**: simon…dammit! I'm gonna stake that vampire!

Magnus glared at the doll. Simon was a dead vampire when he got his hands on him. Why in the hell would he give me this? He wondered.

Alec found it funny as he watched Magnus change his mind and set the doll up. He knew Magnus was too curious for his own good and he snuck a photo of Magnus with the doll and sent it to everyone. Magnus looked at his cell as it flooded with txt messages. He saw the photo in one of them. He glared at Alec and threated to make him sparkle like a cullen if he was only lucky. Alec fled up stairs with Magnus behind him. He knew Magnus wouldn't hurt him but he knew the warlock had the glitter to do it.

He stood in the mirror the next morning. Note to self: don't piss off a warlock with a life time supply of glitter unless you want to be turned into Edward Cullen he mused to himself. He had to admit as bad as the glitter was, hearing Magnus laughing for the first time in three months was the best sound ever.


End file.
